Separation Anxiety (Mine, That Is)
I know I can’t always be there for my son, but I didn’t necessarily expect that it would happen for the first time when he’s only 20 months old.
You see, part of this new adventure of ours is going to involve leaving Buggie with O’s parents for several days while we fly back up here, collect the remainder of the stuff that is coming with us, put the rest in storage, and make the 2-3 day drive back down to FL. Note that I’ve only ever been away from him even as long as overnight, once.
I’m worried that something will happen – he’ll get sick, or fall and hurt himself, or … something worse that I don’t even want to think about. I’m worried that in some way, he’ll need me and I won’t be there.
 L on Merry-Go-Round, July 2009 |
 L’s first playground fall, July 2009 |
I’m worried that he’ll suddenly decide to have separation anxiety for the first time in his life.
Or that he’ll have trouble sleeping. (Not exactly an unheard of event around here. He takes after me, that way.)
I don’t know what to do about weaning. I’d hoped he would wean himself by now, but it hasn’t worked out that way. He only nurses once a day, and only when he sees me for the first time in the morning, so I don’t think it’ll be a problem for him while we’re gone. But if he doesn’t wean between now and then, I’m not sure what to do. Will I have to refind and take my pump and bottles (after some 8 months of not using them), so I can pump while we’re apart, in case the separation doesn’t force weaning? Do I have to just force weaning myself, between now and then? I really don’t know, and I could use some advice on this one.
I’m also worried about what all this chaos (and the inevitable mild spoiling of doting grandparents) is going to do to the routines we’ve worked so hard to foster. I anticipate writing up a huge list of things, including his schedule, to give to my in-laws (and hope they don’t think I’m an overprotective mom, but I think they’ll understand – especially since their other daughter-in-law is stricter with schedules than we are, so they’re probably used to it). But even with that, we’re going to probably have a good 2-3 weeks where things are just going to be “different.” Nana and Grappa with be with us until the end of August. I don’t expect that we’ll be able to fully settle into our (temporary) new life until after they’ve gone. (And of course, we’ll get to do a lot of it all over again when we find a place of our own, particularly if we don’t stay in FL… but that’s another blog post all its own, later.)
The fact is, as my mother-in-law and I just discussed … this is likely going to be harder for me than for him. I don’t quite know how to cope with being away from him for five whole days. (Nor, to be totally honest, how to cope with moving so far away from my mommy, but that too is it’s own separate issue.)
I personally think that it’s more likely than not that being away from Liam for several days will bring an end to the breastfeeding relationship on its own. And even if you come back and his first instinct is to nurse, if you feel you’re truly done, you can gently dissuade him with an offer of another liquid in a cup, or cuddles, or what have you. I don’t think it’s something you need to worry about, though, by any means. If you’re ready to be done, this seems like a good opportunity to let the current situation steer things in that direction.
Thank you, sweetie. This helps a lot. *hugs*
i know we chatted about this, but just to add that i agree w/nisha that being away will likely bring on weaning anyway, without you doing anything special.
i also wanted to add something i already said, but wasn’t sure if i said it in a way that made sense. if you come back and he still wants to nurse, you can totally let him try as long as YOU feel okay with it. he might forget how to do it, and there might or might not be anything there. but IF you feel both so inclined, it’s okay to try it again and it probably won’t screw anything up. of course if you come back and he wants to nurse and you DON’T want him to, i bet it won’t be too hard to distract him what with the excitement of seeing you and daddy again. and if he doesn’t want to, well hey, this whole paragraph is moot. =)
I really appreciate your advice on this. You and Nisha are my authorities on this, so it’s helpful that you are both telling me basically the same thing.
*hugs*