Boys and Their Toys
January 17, 2012
Yesterday at the grocery store, Bug stated that he wished he had a purse. With this concept popping up more and more, I know that continuing to ignore it will send the absolutely wrong message.
But what message do I actually want to send? It’s a matter of my own beliefs versus society’s. Frankly, if his interest in stereotypically “girl” toys, clothes, accessories, etc. is any kind of sign of who he will grow up to be… so be it! I want him to be on the outside who he really is on the inside. This is fine and works pretty much all the time at home, but the outside world is different. As a child who was teased for being different, I don’t want the same for him! But I also don’t want him shoved into a mold into which he does not actually fit.
So this becomes a problem of my own ‘middle-ground mom’-ness. When he wants to try on the girls’ and women’s shoes at the shoe store, I let him. I don’t think twice about his claiming pink and purple as his favorite colors, or having mostly female friends at school. But I haven’t bought him Disney princesses or the aforementioned purse. Right now, that’s where my personal line is.
So far (like with the post about dolls), he’s never directly asked. If he does, my instinct is to tell him that these are arbitrary “rules” set forth by society, blahblahblah… in terms he can somewhat understand. I want him to know that Mommy and Daddy want him to be whomever he wants to be and will always love him for being that person, but that other people have decided that certain things are for boys and other things are for girls. I want to support him without sheltering him from the sometimes-difficult and sometimes cruel outside world.
This is one area in which I struggle with raising a boy. I try not to make a big deal of gender. Unfortunately, the bulk of society still does, and while I try to ‘be the change I want to see,’ I also have to raise my child in the world in which we live. It’s a struggle sometimes, but I do my best for him.
