Hiding Inside Parentheses

OK, I’ll admit it – I overuse parentheses.  I also overuse commas, but that’s a whole separate matter, and I’m not here to go all Grammarian.  Sure, some of the overuse is a grammatical and stylistic choice, closely related to the fact that I am very prone to going off on tangents and subpoints.  However, I realized while writing a recent piece: I also use them to hide.

Parentheses are a great place to put things like disclaimers and explanations:

“Important assertion on the subject at hand.  (And no, I don’t mean this or that other thing.)”
“I have a possibly unpopular opinion on something, with which some people in my reader-base may not agree.  (Please don’t hate me.)”
“Possibly offensive statement which could tick someone off.  (But … I don’t mean YOU!)”

See?  Hiding!  It’s not that I’m shy about sharing my opinions – that’s pretty much the whole point of this blog.  So why do I feel it necessary to disclaim them, defend them, or sugar-coat them?  It’s all part of my desire to be liked, I think.  Despite sometimes being really, really good at it, I actually do NOT enjoy ticking people off.  I don’t want to alienate anyone, and … I want to be liked.  Who doesn’t?

I guess what it comes down to is that I want my opinion out there, without offending anyone.  I (over)use parentheses in order to have the best of both worlds.  In the end, I may or may not actually achieve that goal, but I’ve certainly created a writing style/voice for myself.  Win-win.. right?

Language Police alert

On and off for a few days now, I’ve had Squeeze’s Daphne stuck in my head. The key line (“Daphne, don’t be ridiculous.”) keeps morphing in my mental iTunes, using a recent slang term that I really, really despite: redonkulous. I mean, I suppose it’s almost onomatopoetic in nature because the word just sounds ridiculous, but personally I don’t consider that an asset.

In any case, it got me thinking about other words that really bother me. Vajayjay, for example. I heard this a lot when I was pregnant and reading pregnancy sites and forums, and it drove me crazy. If you can’t use the correct word – or at least a less stupid-sounding euphemism – then perhaps you’re not mature enough to be discussing it at all.

Others on my list include ‘anyways,’ (though I’m unable to locate a source right now to prove that this is incorrect, but it still bugs me), ‘acrost’ (even though my own mother uses this fairly regularly), ‘axe’ (instead of ask), and most uses of “LOLspeak.” I’m sure there are scores of others, but these are the few that come immediately to mind.

How about you? What are your word-related pet peeves?