Little Things

A 15-month chapter of my family’s life has drawn to a close, as we are finally reunited with all the belongings we’d left in storage when we first moved to Florida in August 2009.  Those first 8 months were spent staying in my in-laws’ vacation home, then we moved on to rent a fully-furnished condo nearby.  Now, we are finally in a place of our “own,” and all of our belongings are here with us:

We have a lot of stuff.  Just ask the friends who helped us to transport it!

On maybe the third morning in our new place, I woke up smiling.  It was then that I realized: little things make a home.  Though the places we’ve been living for the past year-and-change have been quite lovely, they never quite felt like a home to me.  I theorized at times that no place would ever feel homey to me, so long as I was this far away from my family and friends in NY.  I’m sure that’s still true, to a certain degree, but some of it also comes down to trappings.

The object of this realization for me was my bedroom curtain:

This same curtain hung for a number of years in our last home in NY.  There, it covered our front window, in the living room.  It was the backdrop for so many happy (and not-so-happy) memories.  For a long while, it was behind our television, captivating me while I would cuddle with my husband and veg out together with Joss Whedon or Aaron Sorkin.  It was a focal point as I practiced yoga, and something to stare at during marathon nursing sessions when our son was a baby.  And it’s one of few such items which was not damaged by our slightly-crazed cat, who used to make a habit of chewing on fabrics.

We bought the curtain at one of our favorite “hippie” stores in Rochester, and it was one of the very first decorative items to adorn this, our new Floridian home. Hanging it immediately made the place feel more “ours,” and was like bringing a piece of our Rochester-based existence into the present-tense.

It feels good to be “home,” after all these months.

We’re Not in Kansas New York Anymore, Toto.

In the chaos of moving all the way down the East Coast, my blogging habits have sort of fallen by the wayside.  Hopefully that will be rectified soon, though possibly not immediately as we’re still trying to get ourselves situated down here.  (And hey – if you’re in the Ft Myers, Tampa, or Gainesville area and have need of an IT professional or Office Assistant/Writer/Editor, drop me a line!)  In the meantime, let me share a few observations I’ve made since mid-August when we arrived.  These are the ways I’ve found (so far!) in which FL differs from upstate NY:

• The differences in the weather pretty much go without saying, but I think if I neglect to mention them, someone will point it out.  So… yeah.  The weather, even at this time of year, is very different.  Hotter, more humid, etc.  And as upstate NY’s temperatures are starting to dip a bit into autumn… we’re still seeing highs around 90 pretty much every day, down here.  I’m going to miss the changing colors (and changing wardrobe options, I admit) of autumn, but I won’t at all miss the chill and treacherous road conditions of winter.

• Wildlife is definitely different down here too.  During our first week here, we found a tiny lizard in the hallway of the condo where we’re staying.  A lizard.  In the house.  In fact, they are everywhere around here!  I’ve gotten used to it now, but it’s still weird to me.
• Even going to the grocery store is a different experience down here.  My loving husband went to buy me some juice a couple of weeks ago because I was sick.  I didn’t want anything citrus because my throat was sore, and the acidity would’ve made matters worse.  But the food and drink choices down here are different too!  Wanting something non-citrus would seem to be something of a cardinal sin in the state of oranges and key limes.  That said, if you like citrus fruit and/or seafood, this is your place!  Also, the flavors of yogurts that we’ve found down here, just in the stores’ own brands… OMG, yum!  Caramel creme, guava, strawberry cheesecake…  Mmm!
• Would you believe that even shopping malls are different?  Here in the Ft Myers area, at least, the majority of the shopping centers are outside.  They aren’t quite what I’d call strip-malls, but they’re also not what I’m used to in NY.  Of course, in NY, such malls would lose a lot of business for a good quarter to half of the year!  And when you’re in a place so full of sunshine, I think it’s assumed that folks want to be outside in it.

I admit, some of it is taking some getting used to. There have been several days where I’ve sulked about how different life is down here. But then, when I moved from Groton, NY to Ithaca, NY – and when I moved from Ithaca to Rochester, I went through the same sets of feelings. This is just a grander scale transition. In time, I will find places and things (and even people) to love here, as well.

Until then, at least the transition gives me blog-fodder!

Comfort Between the Covers

… of a book, that is. A favored book. Things have been more than a little hectic, stressful, and busy around these parts lately. While some folks might turn to comfort foods (okay, I confess – I do that, too), I also turn to comfort books. My mind is too muddled to keep up with complicated plots or over-wordy descriptions when life is busy. I want simplicity and familiarity, and characters who feel like old friends.

This time around, I’m re-reading the Harry Potter series, as I have a few times in the past when I’ve craved easy, light reading. I also dug out another favorite, The Time-Traveler’s Wife. I restarted Harry Potter last night, but I couldn’t bear to put The Time-Traveler’s Wife back into the box once I’d gotten it out. It’s like an old friend! This is the book that I have recommended time and again to anyone who has ever asked me for book recommendations. Not one person has come back to me with a complaint. Quite the opposite, in fact. Everyone has loved it as much as I did.  They’ve fallen in love with Henry and Claire, just as I did.  We’ve all shared in this couple’s ups and downs, and cried our way through this beautiful book.  If you’ve read it, you understand why I just can’t bear to leave this one stored in a box here in NY while I’m starting a whole new chapter of my own life, in a whole new state!

But this reflection on my own reading makes me curious:  What do you, my readers, consider to be your “comfort books”?

A Beautiful Smile to Hide the Pain

my Gramma on her 88th birthday

On Saturday, the beautiful woman pictured here turned 88 years old. It was also on Saturday that I told her about our moving plans. As is her way, she took it in stride. She asked when we were leaving, and if she would see me again before we go. (She won’t, sadly.) When we left, she told me she’d miss me, and made me promise (as if this was necessary!) to write to her, lots.

So many of the traits I value in my own personality are direct tributes to my Gramma. Like her, I have an amazing ability to be strong for other people. It isn’t until later, when I’m alone, that I break down. Until then, I am the shoulder, the rock, making sure everyone else is taken care of first.

This “ability” (because frankly, it is sometimes as much a curse as a blessing) came into play later in that same day, when I had to also say goodbye to my mom. Mom and I have a rocky history, but we’ve moved past any darkness into a place of comfort, closeness, and companionship – much like her relationship with Gramma, I like to think. Before I left Ithaca for Rochester, we would spend our days off from work together. Since 2001, our visits have been less frequent – roughly once a month or so – but we speak by phone every week. And it broke my heart to see her crying there in the parking lot as we parted. But I didn’t shed a tear until I pulled away, driving down Route 13 with my husband next to me and our son in the backseat.

I wonder if it was the same for Gramma, after we left her room that afternoon.

Separation Anxiety (Mine, That Is)

I know I can’t always be there for my son, but I didn’t necessarily expect that it would happen for the first time when he’s only 20 months old.

You see, part of this new adventure of ours is going to involve leaving Buggie with O’s parents for several days while we fly back up here, collect the remainder of the stuff that is coming with us, put the rest in storage, and make the 2-3 day drive back down to FL. Note that I’ve only ever been away from him even as long as overnight, once.

I’m worried that something will happen – he’ll get sick, or fall and hurt himself, or … something worse that I don’t even want to think about. I’m worried that in some way, he’ll need me and I won’t be there.

L on Merry-Go-Round, July 2009

L’s first playground fall, July 2009

I’m worried that he’ll suddenly decide to have separation anxiety for the first time in his life.

Or that he’ll have trouble sleeping. (Not exactly an unheard of event around here. He takes after me, that way.)

I don’t know what to do about weaning. I’d hoped he would wean himself by now, but it hasn’t worked out that way. He only nurses once a day, and only when he sees me for the first time in the morning, so I don’t think it’ll be a problem for him while we’re gone. But if he doesn’t wean between now and then, I’m not sure what to do. Will I have to refind and take my pump and bottles (after some 8 months of not using them), so I can pump while we’re apart, in case the separation doesn’t force weaning? Do I have to just force weaning myself, between now and then? I really don’t know, and I could use some advice on this one.

I’m also worried about what all this chaos (and the inevitable mild spoiling of doting grandparents) is going to do to the routines we’ve worked so hard to foster. I anticipate writing up a huge list of things, including his schedule, to give to my in-laws (and hope they don’t think I’m an overprotective mom, but I think they’ll understand – especially since their other daughter-in-law is stricter with schedules than we are, so they’re probably used to it). But even with that, we’re going to probably have a good 2-3 weeks where things are just going to be “different.” Nana and Grappa with be with us until the end of August. I don’t expect that we’ll be able to fully settle into our (temporary) new life until after they’ve gone. (And of course, we’ll get to do a lot of it all over again when we find a place of our own, particularly if we don’t stay in FL… but that’s another blog post all its own, later.)

The fact is, as my mother-in-law and I just discussed … this is likely going to be harder for me than for him. I don’t quite know how to cope with being away from him for five whole days.  (Nor, to be totally honest, how to cope with moving so far away from my mommy, but that too is it’s own separate issue.)

Nothing to Lose, Much to Gain

My husband received some devastating news on Wednesday – he was let go from his job. The end-result of this is that we are no longer buying our house. We spent several tear-filled hours that afternoon, and spent much of Thursday in a post-stress daze punctuated by many comforting hugs and cuddles before piling into the car on Friday to get away from it all for the weekend (visiting my family). On Monday, we jump headlong into Planning The Future.

We’re very much trying to look at this experience as an opportunity instead of a loss. Back in February, just after returning from a visit with my in-laws in Florida, we were lamenting the northeastern US winters, but we decided to stick around because of O’s job. In today’s economy, one doesn’t just walk away from steady, seemingly stable employment.

However, when that employment instead walks away from you… you become suddenly free to go wherever you want, or wherever the Fates may take you. I don’t necessarily agree with Janis’ definition of “freedom,” but we definitely hope for plenty to gain.

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