Music and Self-Esteem

I struggle with self-esteem; this is no big news announcement. Yet lately, over the past few weeks – maybe even months – I have been in such a better headspace. Without a doubt, I owe the bulk of the credit for this to my involvement with my chorus. I went through a similar transition in 2008 when I joined my previous chorus. I’d been in the depths of PPD and just the act of getting out of the house and being social really made a difference in my emotional well-being.

When we first arrived in Florida, I searched and searched for another group similar to what I’d left behind in Rochester. I found the SWFGLC, but didn’t end up joining right away. I have to wonder how much smoother my transition would have been, had I joined sooner. At the very least, I now know to make sure there are community chorus options in our next location, and to be sure to seek one out ASAP. From the very first rehearsal in January, I felt immeasurably more at home than I’d felt in the year and a half we’d spent in Florida at that time.

Our concert season ended this weekend, with two phenomenal shows at the two UU churches in the area this past weekend. A few weeks ago I auditioned for a solo, and from that point forward my confidence continued to rise. By the time the actual concerts rolled around, my head was swollen from all the kind words from my director, fellow choristers, and eventually members of the audiences.

I told Bear last night that it seems to be an all or nothing thing with me – either I feel awesome or I feel like I suck. While I don’t really want to walk around with a swelled head all the time, I do hope I can hold on to some piece of the past few weeks’ self-confidence from now until next season – whenever and wherever that may be!

Wow Moments

A few weeks ago, my son and I were at a playdate at a friend’s home.  While the children played, the mothers took the opportunity to be social with one another.  One woman was lamenting that she had “lost [her] wow,” and my friend was analyzing this and trying to help her out.  My friend named numerous things about which she, herself, had had “wow moments,” and for days afterwards, the conversation stuck in my head.  I found myself noticing the little things in life that we all tend to take for granted.

image from http://www.clipartpal.com/

For example, a few days after the playdate, I was driving around town and listening to the radio.  Suddenly it occurred to me that the sounds coming at me from my car stereo speakers had all been generated by another human being – or several, most likely.  Somewhere, someone was inspired by something.  They wrote it down, recorded it, and it made its way onto the airwaves and into the ears of millions of people.  Picking it apart like that left me astounded by its simplicity, and amazed at everything the music industry and the media have accomplished throughout history.

Sometimes my “wow” is more personal, like having a conversation with my son.  I have a 2 1/2 year-old, highly verbal child.  There are times when I am just stopped in my tracks in mid-conversation, stunned at his ability to communicate.  I cannot believe the thoughts or the words that come out of that tiny body.  It’s often like speaking with an adult, or at least a much older child, but with the high-pitched, excitable voice of a toddler.

Whether on a micro level (like the accomplishments of one’s child) or a macro level (like marveling at what society or industry has achieved), there are a zillion little “wows” all around us, all the time.  Take the time to slow down in your busy life, and notice the amazing world in which we live.