“Common” Courtesy

image from The Bostonist

As a culture, we’ve become just plain rude. We bump into each other in a crowded mall and glare instead of apologizing, pushing past instead of saying, “Excuse me,” and letting doors slam in the faces of those behind us instead of holding them open. We carry on loud, personal conversations via cellphone in libraries or other spaces where people may not want to hear the personal details of our lives, but when we sit down to dinner together, the cellphone becomes a barrier as we engage in our individual conversations rather than bonding with the person sitting right there across the table.

When in our history did we become so selfish and self-centered that we lost sight of our manners? When did it become acceptable to show up late for an appointment or social engagement without so much as a phone call? Or to agree to do something, then renege when it becomes inconvenient? And when did parents stop teaching their children the basic rules of politeness?

Mei Tai carrier made by Nisha Berg

As an example, I was recently in a children’s store, pushing a stroller while my husband wore our 10-month-old son in a baby carrier. Out of nowhere, three young children came barrelling through, shoving my (thankfully empty!) stroller out of their way as they sped toward the toys they wanted and ignoring the signs asking children their age not to use the riding toys. Where were their parents, and why did they think it was acceptable to behave this way? Unfortunately, such behavior in children often comes as direct example from their parents, who are equally rude to and disrespectful of others.

While I think the phenomenon does seem to grow ever more common with each passing generation, even older adults are not immune to this sort of behavior. In fact, the inspiration for this article was my irritation at my landlord, who has agreed not to come by the property without 24 hours’ notice (48 if he needs to get into my apartment itself), as respect for our privacy. I cannot begin to count the times this has been impinged upon. Today’s example occurred just after I’d gotten my son down for his afternoon nap, and only days after my husband told the landlord not to come by at a certain time because of Buggie’s schedule. Is he oblivious, or simply inconsiderate?

We are living in the “I” generation, where getting one’s own is so much the focus that we’ve lost sight of how our actions and words affect those around us. As a parent, I want to correct that thinking in my son, hopefully before it even has a chance to take root. I want him to grow up with the understanding that the world does not, in fact, revolve around him. I want him to know that his actions have an impact. And really, I want to help him to be a polite and pleasant little man. I hope my husband and I can set that sort of example for him, to counteract what he is likely to see in public and the media.

Wake Me When it’s Over

Election 2008

Tomorrow is Election Day. Everyone with access to the world outside their front door knows this, and I would bet I am not the only one who is counting down the minutes for this whole dramatic time to end. I’ve chosen my candidates, read through information on my local races, and figured out the logistics of going to vote on a day when my husband will have the car and I have choral practice when he gets home – fortunately, my polling place is within walking distance, and we’re expecting beautiful weather. Beautiful weather for what promises to be an historic day for America. Beautiful weather for a day I will be glad to see come and go, whatever the result.

No matter who wins – my Presidential choice or someone else’s – the mudslinging can end. Well, no, that’s not realistic. There will always be mud to sling, and an us vs. them mentality. But at least when the election is through, the mud will return to its usual level, tension will (eventually) dissipate, and we can all remember the things we have in common rather than the differences election season forces us to focus upon.

Conversely, I am also eager to stop seeing everyone painting everyone else with the same brush. Not all Democrats/Republicans/Libertarians/Greens/Whatevers are the same, believe it or not. Yet everywhere I turn, I read sweeping generalizations and insults to the intelligence of anyone who could possibly have a different point of view. It’s nothing short of uncivilized. And no, it’s not going to miraculously end at midnight tomorrow. But the dust will settle; it always does.

Until then, I’ll just try to keep as far from all the negativity as I can.